Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
