so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
now i know why i became what i already was.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
