she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
