Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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