So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
