I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
