currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
