omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
