spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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