my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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