You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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