ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
