I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
