I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize