you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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