just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I just found puke in my bra..
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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