my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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