I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize