I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
