im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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