singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
