uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
