I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
