remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
