I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
