i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
