Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Randomize
