you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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