Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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