Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
