Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize