Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Randomize
