Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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