At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
