do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
