Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
