how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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