Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
