You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
im six kinds of drunk right now
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
