Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
