guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Randomize
