Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
