we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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