nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
