So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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