I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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