You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize