i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
