i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
