This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
