you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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