how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
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