Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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