You work out of a Hotel?
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
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