So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
