we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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