I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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