it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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