If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
