I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
