Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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