Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
It was confusing and full of hummus
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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