we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
