i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
