Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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