You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Randomize
