My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
