dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
