I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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